Joke: Ranch Life

Amy, a blond city girl, marries a rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy,

"The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow's stall in the barn.

You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?"

So the rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.

Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one.. right here."

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me little lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?"

"That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Amy explains very confidently.

Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"

She turns to walk away, and with complete confidence, says: "I guess it's to hang your pants on....."

(via Miss Cellania)

Nose to Nose

(via)

Joke: Short Animal Jokes - Cows, Part 3

What is the most important use for cowhide?
To hold the cow together.

What kind of cows do you find in Alaska?
Eski-moos.

What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom!

Where do cows go on dates?
To the movies.

Where do milk shakes come from?
Nervous cows.

Why did Cleopatra take milk baths?
She couldn't find a cow tall enough for a shower.

Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the moosic store.

Why did the cow jump over the moon?
To get to the Milky Way.

Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.

Why don't cows ever have any money?
Because the farmers milk them dry.

Why is a barn so noisy?
All the cows have horns.

Joke: Short Animal Jokes - Cows, Part 2

What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
Laughing stock.

What do you call Eskimo cows?
Eskimoos.

What do you get from a cow on the North Pole?
Cold cream.

What do you get from a cow with a split personality?
Half and half.

What do you get from a forgetful cow?
Milk of amnesia.
What do you get from a short-legged cow?
Dragon milk.
What do you get from an invisible cow?
Evaporated milk.
What do you get from pampered cows?
Spoiled milk.

What do you get if you cross a steer and a chicken?
Roost beef.

What do you get when you cross a rooster and a cow?
Cockadoodlemoo.

What do you get when you have a cow and a duck?
Milk and quackers.

What goes "moof"?
A cow with buck teeth.

What has four legs and goes, "Oom! Oom!"?
A cow walking backwards.

What is a cow's favorite thing to do?
Watch a moo-vie.

Joke: Short Animal Jokes - Cows, Part 1

How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.

How do you get a cow from one place to another?
With a mooooooving van.

What city do cows love most in the USA?
MOO York City.

What do you call a calf after it's six months old?
Seven months old.

What do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk?
A milk dud.

What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk?
An udder failure.

What do you call a cow that fell in a hole?
A hole-y Cow.

What do you call a cow that's just had a baby?
De-calfinated.

What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean Beef.

What do you call a sleeping bull
A bull-dozer.